“I Have Had Enough”

My mother died peacefully early this morning. Her last words to my sister Elizabeth last night were “I have had enough”. Most of us have had opportunities in the last couple of days to say goodbye.

I have spent the day with Elizabeth at Woodpeckers and at Diamond Undertakers in Lymington; and making a number of necessary telephone calls.

Jacqueline is now on her way to our house where we will all enjoy Jackie’s chicken jalfrezi and continue discussing decisions.

198 comments

  1. So sorry to hear this not unexpected news. Sympathy and supportive thoughts winging their way to you from France. I’m sure you’ll arrange a wonderful send-off which will celebrate her life, longevity and loved ones.

  2. So sorry to hear about your Mum. Not unexpected and still sad. When my father died in 2015, we knew he had been ready for about a year. Not that he ever said do.

  3. Holding you and yours in my heart, Derrick. May this poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye, (1905-2004) be of some comfort:
    Do not stand at my grave and weep,
    I am not there – I do not sleep.
    I am the thousand winds that blow,
    I am the diamond glints in snow,
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    As you awake with morning’s hush
    I am the swift-up-lifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circling flight.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry,
    I am not there – I did not die.

  4. On a blogging break but had to read this post. Brought tears to my eyes. Through your posts, I have come to know and admire your mother. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by my work, I think of her and all that she had to do to take care of the family. A remarkable woman from a remarkable generation. A privilege to get to know her through you. So very sorry for your loss.

  5. I’m so sorry, Derrick. The next few days will be difficult, but you will soon take solace in the memories of a wonderful woman! My thoughts are with you!

  6. Oh, Derrick, I’m so sorry. I know she was much beloved and I’m sure she knew it, too. I’ll be thinking of you all in the upcoming days. Take care of yourself – drink plenty of water. <3

  7. Derrick, please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your beloved Mum.
    It was especially moving when you posted pictures of her when you and Jacquie went to visit her, and also when she came to your garden.
    It is beautiful to have witnessed your loving care for your mother. ??

  8. So sorry to hear this Derrick. I’m glad you have Jackie’s (legendary) Jalfrezi to console you.

    All the best, Alex

  9. I am so sorry for your loss, and that of your wonderful family: such a credit to your wonderful mother.
    It has been truly warming to have met your mother, both through posts of your recent happy times together, and of your childhood. She was so clearly such a formidable, individual lady.
    I wish you each all the strength you need to cope with this time. It is a time that we must all so dread. xx.

  10. I’m so glad you shared your Mum with us, Derrick. I came to enjoy her ‘visits’ to your blog, just as I know she enjoyed every minute with you and Jackie. While this isn’t unexpected, it’s saddened me. I know you’ll miss her, but you did everything a son (and a family) could do to make her latter years more of a pleasure and less of a burden for her.

  11. Everyone has said everything that can be said. I wish I could give you a big hug. And to look in your eyes because everything I’d have to say would be there as it would for you. Please know I think of you daily as it is, and now especially. I’m glad your mum lived a long life with such love and good people in her life, I’m glad you had your mum as long as you did, and I see such love in you and your family. At the same time my heart hurts for you and I am sending you all of my love. You are a beautiful soul and you make me feel so lucky to know you. Bless your mum.

      1. I don’t know if you saw my poem for your mum but I’m copying it here just incase. I think I may have inadvertantly posted it on the other site – my WP site.
        With iridescent sun and Busy Lizzie’s, the day

        curtsied bonne nuit

        as shyly as a virgin

        as boldly as a lover

        as robust as an old woman

        laughing from the pit of her well-lived stomach

        vein-laced hand flung back in half-made-gesture

        the opacity of her skin belying

        the depths of her eternal sea green eyes

        (For Derrick)

          1. I’m glad I thought to send it this way as I wasn’t sure if you had seen it, I wrote it the day afterward. Sending you much love. Thinking of you.

  12. I am sorry for your loss . In time i hope your memories are of the happiest times with this person .

  13. I am so very sorry to hear about your beautiful Mum’s death. 🙁
    You, Jackie, and all of your family will be in my thoughts, condolences, and prayers.
    I’m so glad she lived a long life and was loved dearly. I will miss her here on your blog in the months and years ahead. 🙁
    (((HUGS))) <3
    “Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch.” – Jack Thorne

  14. I’m glad that I picked up on this post Derrick. My deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss of your mother. She came across as a wonderful, resilient lady and it would seem it was the right time for her to go. I’m sure you will have much to remember and rejoice over as you talk with your family. Take good care of yourself in the coming days.

  15. Once again I offer my sympathies to you.

    You have experienced heart breaking loss so many times Derrick, and by now you must be an expert on all the legal procedures we must all endure.

    From your writings I know your mother was a strong and wonderful lady, and I’m sure you must feel very proud to be her son.

    Love to you all.

  16. Thoughts, prayers and much love are with you and your family, Derrick. I got to know your mother through your blog and feel as if I have lost one of my own. I admired her spirit and positive outlook. She was a dear lady.

  17. My condolences Derrick. Peacefully is a good thing. And I know, by experience that our elders sometimes feel they have had enough. So peace is to be desired. Now the sadness falls upon the living. For a time. Then we can remember them with a smile. How long does it take? Who knows. My best wishes to you and your family.

  18. Derrick, I offer my heartfelt condolences yo you and your family. Having lost my mom a number of years ago, I was always touched by your stories of visiting your mom. You have wonderful pictures that will bring joy to your heart and out smiles on your face when you review them from time to time. God bless you, Derrick, and may your mom Rest In Peace.

  19. Hugs and condolences on the loss of your mother. Having been in a situation where I was near death, I know your body tells you when it’s time, so let it happen. It was a pleasant sensation that passed (fortunately for me), and it helped me to accept the inevitable without fear. I hope she was free of pain, and comforted by all of you coming to see her one last time.

  20. I’m so very sorry, Derrick. Your mum had a wonderful life, and I’m thankful she was able to be with her family and could share ther thoughts to the end. Prayers for peace on the way!

  21. We are blessed with wonderful memories of your Mum and an insight it to her resilience, resourcefulness, and the all encompassing love in which she embraced and enveloped you all. The last post featured her playfully at the lunch table. Her words were apt then, as they are now. You will always be comforted in the knowledge she slipped away peacefully. Sending you strength and compassion in these coming days.

  22. I’m very sorry for your loss, Derrick. I enjoyed your posts about your mother. I’m glad you and family members had the opportunity to say goodbye. Sending my sympathy.

  23. Blessings to you Derrick, and may your mother’s soul rest eternally in peace. Her son’s love has certainly shown through on your many posts and moments of caring and loving her with your wife. Your friend, Susan in Arizona

  24. I’m so sorry, Derrick. It was time, I suppose. But I have really enjoyed all the photos you posted, she always looked so happy. She had such a warm smile. May you always remember her. Much love.

  25. My heart goes out to you and the family Derrick. Such a sad and difficult time. May you find peace with loved ones and the memories to treasure always. Sending a hug and raising a glass along with you to a life well lived, and an ending on her own terms. xoxo

  26. My deepest sympathies, Derrick. I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy to hear that your Mum was obviously ready to go. From what I have seen of your posts, she lived a good life and passed with peace and dignity. Love to you and Jackie and all of your family ?.

  27. Sending condolences to you and your family. Your mum had a long life and great care too. I’m sure you’ll miss going to see her at Woodpecker’s. So glad you were all able to spend some time with her. Hugs to you, Derrick.

  28. I had a hunch based on yesterday’s blog that your mum may have been having that rally that often happens before leaving this earth…. sort of our loved ones’ gift to us that we get to see them in better spirits a day or two before their transition. So glad your sis was there with her and her passing seemed to be a peaceful one. She let you know she was ready. Still, there is a hole in your heart – I know that feeling. It is one that only time can heal. May the love of family and friends and the joy of happy memories bring you peace and comfort, (((Derrick))) – I send my love and virtual hugs. <3

      1. Wise to keep it to yourself. You’re right – no one needed to be disillusioned! Bless you, my friend. I hope your memories are sweet ones and bring a smile whenever your mum comes to mind. <3

  29. my deepest condolences to you and your family, Derrick. her last words says it all. i am glad you spent a lovely time with her recently. hugs to you.

  30. My mother died peacefully a few years ago and it seemed quite unreal and my emotions weren’t real until some time after. My thoughts are with you Derrick. May they be full of warm memories and joyful times.

  31. So sad to read this and I am extremely sorry for your loss Derrick. Perhaps you will find comfort in the fact that you were able to see her several times despite covid. My deepest condolences to you and your family and I hope you are able to overcome your grief

  32. Derrick. I did not know (in response to y our comment on my own post yesterday…). My truest sympathy….I thought she ight be soon leaving, but so sorry I missed your post about her death. Across the sea, a warm hug.

  33. I am sorry to find out that your dear mother has died. She lived through some remarkable times, as your tales show, and leaves behind a family she must have been so very proud of. I’m sending my sympathy to you all. It’s a blessing to know it was peaceful and to hear of her last words to Elizabeth.

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