Despite my best efforts, my meals today were somewhat interrupted.
Following instructions I walked with crutches to the loo after breakfast. The expression ‘taken short’ developed new layers of meaning as I closed the door and deposited a goodly amount of blood, urine, and excreta in a trail on the way to the lavatory seat. There was nothing for it but to summon help to clean myself and the room. I had made a start on my lunch which had been removed when I retuned to the ward. I had no more interest in it anyway.
The results of the blood tests taken yesterday, show no real cause for concern, but a Doppler ultrasound scan has been ordered today to ensure that I don’t have a deep vein thrombosis. Just as dinner was being served, I was summoned fo the scan.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4OnBYrbCjY&w=560&h=315]
I have always heard about the Doppler effect, but  not the scan. Although the attached YouTube video might suggest otherwise, I can now definitely state that the Doppler effect is to keep a man from his food. The scan appeared to show no problems.
Mr Doppler, however, was thwarted this evening, for Jade produced the first meal I have been able to relish in this establishment: a fresh, moist, egg and cress salad served with a suitably tangy vinaigrette, followed by flavoursome vanilla ice cream and accompanied by zesty orange juice. This Jade was not the young lady who had helped with the scan. Â I know this because the caterer sported no visible tattoos.
P.S. It just goes to show that I am not really up to scratch yet. Until I read the contented crafter’s comment below I had forgotten that the physios had wheeled me along to the stairs, decanted me onto crutches, and guided me up and down a flight of six steps.
Damn Doppler. I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry at this post. Your food description was a heartening end to a terribly (literally) awful (pun!) beginning.
Thanks a lot, Susanne. Were, you just gotta laugh amid the tears
Poor you. Dignity has left the building clearly
It’s just that I have stopped shirking posting these aspects. Many thanks, Geoff
Now this post is one I may well have understood you skipping the posting on! Oh the indignity of not being able to complete the mad dash to the loo!! Here’s a story to cheer you up: Once on being hospitalised with suspected DVT the radiographer was doing the ultrasound search for the offending blood clot and couldn’t find it. He kept pushing his instrument of torture into my calf and back of knee from varying directions, all of which were producing shots of pain through my being. If you can’t find it I suggested through gritted teeth, perhaps its not there. ‘I know its there’ he said, ‘I just want to find it’. When I passed out from the pain I was quickly returned to my room and the next day, after the machine was ‘fixed’ someone else had another go. There were six clots in various positions found with barely a whimper. 🙂
Technology is good when it works. What agony, Pauline. Thanks very much
Holy cow, that’s a terrible story, Pauline!
I’m sorry your time these days is not as fun as it might be, although good for you for simply dealing with body functions in a practical way, but I’m glad you got some good food.
Thanks very much, Donnalee
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, Derrick. I’m glad you finally got something to eat.
🙂 Many thanks, Merril
Damn! Glad you finally got to eat.
Thanks a lot, Leslie
If it makes you feel any better (a trouble shared is a trouble halved etc…) I was in hospital about 15 years ago, lying in bed as a spinal anaesthetic wore off, when I found myself breaking wind and, because of the anaesthetic, unable to halt the flow or moderate the noise. This was bad enough, but after a while I realised it wasn’t all wind…
Hopefully things will become easier to control as time goes on.
Looking on the bright side, it’s nice to know the constipation has been corrected. 🙂
Thanks for that, Quercus. Excrutiating. Reminds me of the old schoolboy joke: Boy puts his hand up in class. “Yes, Simon?”. “Please Miss, is a fart wet?”. “No.” “Then I’ve just shat myself”
You two are killing me. I’m literally laughing amid the tears right now.
🙂 🙂
Classic. 🙂
Rough times Derrick. Teeth gritted on your behalf.
Thanks very much for that solidarity, Frank
Oh yes, the Perils of the Poo. 😀 If nothing else, hospital stays teach us not to be precious about our bodily functions.
Quite so, Widders. I didn’t think readers would want to know this – but then this blog is about daily life 🙂 Many thanks
All this…and you haven’t missed a blog post…you’re amazing! Take care of yourself, friend!
Many thanks, Jill. It has been touch and go 🙂
Egg, cress, orange juice. Repeat. At least it sounds better than American hospital food.
Thanks very much, Luanne. This place is exceptional
That makes such a difference! Very happy you are in good hands.
🙂
Ah well, at least you haven’t had to go 8 days without food or liquid passing through the mouth followed by very little, so keep your pecker up, that’s an English pecker by the way not a Yankee one 😀
🙂 An appropriately fine distinction, Brian. Thanks a lot
🙂
Yes, thank you for the distinction. This Yankee thought you were asking a bit much of our friend at this particular juncture.
I would simply have hung my head in shame 🙂
LOL
Always try to assist our American cousins 😀
Absolutely hilarious!
Glad someone finds it funny, can’t you tell we are being dead serious? 😈 😀 :bear:
oops! 😀
YES! The man is on the mend! He liked his food!!! Keep at it my friend. You are fantastic!
Why is it hospitals do this all the time. I remember having meals interrupted for MRIs.
It’s certainly classic, Andrew. Many thanks
As the bard said, all’s well that ends well! That was scary, but I am waiting for you to roam the streets of London in real time soon!
Thanks very much, Uma. William Shakespeare and Ralph McTell in the same comment 🙂
Anaesthetic followed by morphine can really scramble the brain. You may have forgotten some details, while others are excruciatingly imbedded in memory.
A perfect understanding, Gwen. Many thanks
Oh Dash Derrick, I want hold you up any longer.
🙂 Thanks a lot, Ivor
Sorry, a spelling mistake
🙂
You have my sympathy, Derrick – but at least you seem to have retained your sense of humour. Just hang on in there, do as you’re told, and you’ll be skipping about again in no time. Sorry I haven’t dropped in to see how you are as often as I’d like…
Many thanks, Mike. No pessure
This being human is a humbling experience. At least we are all in it together and can understand the suffering of another. I send very many wishes for better days and a swift return to health AND home! Take good care, Derrick.
Very many thanks, Cheryl. I hope my little chronicles of hospital life will help others get through it. Life cannot always be full of the joys of Spring.
That is so true but I am sorry to hear of your trials, though glad that you want to share them with us. Your story is only a shade better than the one about the lady who did manage to hold it together till she got to sit on the toilet but realising too late that the lid was closed…
I’ve done that, too. In the ladies in a pub. It took me some time to clear it all up. But that’s another story 🙂
OMG
Oh gosh, but at least that long-awaited event has happened, even if in not quite the manner you would have preferred. And the sandwich sounded very tasty. It will get better, Derrick 🙂
It will, Sandra. Thanks very much
That is quite the post, Derrick. I’ve had many conversations where we all share our worst potty experiences. So, in the future, if you ever have such a conversation, you’ll have a wonderful contribution to make. : )
So true, Jodie. You’ll like today’s, I think
Looking forward to it!
🙂
Progress, of a sort? At least you are now able to eat.
Yes, indeed. Just arrived home. Many thanks, Laurie
Wonderful! Always better to be home.
Yep
I’m glad your ultrasound came back normal. Hang in there Derrick 😊
Thanks a lot, Julie
What vintage was the zesty orange juice?
2018
2018. Thanks a lot, Jessie